London


Truly I feel for them.
The last time I saw all the 'Missing' posters posted was after the Tsunami tragedy. And now Im seeing it again.

I purposely choose not to write about this on dad's bday!

It must be hard for them, I really feel for these people. Even reading it makes you like this..imagine whatthey are goin through.

Looking at these images, I asked myself, I have done nothing directly to help them. I must be ashamed at myself. It breaks my heart to even think that they dont eat, and I, here, have the CHOICE to choose what I want to eat! Oh My God!. Allah would definitely help them. I'm sure. And I hope I'm given some strenght to help end this.
The G8 Summit just ended!

I wonder if kangaroos face problems in life like we do...u know what i mean, all these headaches...satisfying everyone in the world...your boss, your client, judges, argghhhh... This was taken when i was in Caversham Wildlife, Perth last year.

7-7-1947

It's Dad's birthday today....but he's not here with us!

Missing Dad

Today I realised (not that I didnt) so much that I am so lost without Dad. He would have been my greatest strenght, my pillar to fall on at times. He would quickly solve my problems and let me sleep in peace. And for all that I know, he would be carrying all my problems during his sleep. That's Dad. His worry shows at times through his wrinkled forehead, but he would hide it. He didnt want us to worry.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever knew how much he meant, and still means to me. I hardly express my love to him. That I regret now so much. Sometimes I think he knew that I cared for him, but then again, Ive never said it. What if till his last breath he never knew?

I miss him whenever I write my full name : Nazeera Hanifa... and that would be almost every other day.

I have always wondered if Ive done the right thing at the hospital on his last day. I know Ajal tangan Allah. I know that very well. But deep inside it still kills me....I didnt know If dad wanted to do the Ingogram. I didnt know if it was me suffering the attack,dad would have signed the consent letter for the angioplasty. I didnt know what the tight grip dad gave me meant for him, but for me, i held his hand tight telling him I am here with him, and tighter knowing he'll be fine. I didnt know that was his last grip. I didnt know how painful it was for him during the angioplasty, but it must be painful..very..I guess I wouldnt know the answer forever....I know Allah owns every of our soul...I didnt know why Allah placed me with dad on his last day, leaving me alone to decide...I am so grateful to Allah that I was there.....there has been no day that I asked myself all these questions....and wish Dad would answer me.

Dad
by Judy Burnette
Dad...so many images come to mindwhenever I speak your name;

It seems without you in my lifethings have never been the same.

What happened to those lazy dayswhen I was just a child;

When my life was consumed in youin your love, and in your smile.

What happened to all those timeswhen I always looked to you;

No matter what happened in my lifeyou could make my gray skies blue.

Dad, some days I hear your voice and turn to see your face;

Yet in my turning...it seems the sound has been erased.

Dad, who will I turn to for answers when life does not make sense;

Who will be there to hold me closewhen the pieces just don't fit.

Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time and once more hear your voice;

I'd tell you that out of all the dads you would still be my choice.

Please always know I love you and no one can take your place;

Years may come and gobut your memory will never be erased.

Haha...It's So Me..

I was reading my favourite Monday-article in my favourite "The Star" by Mary Scheneider (a Penangite, obviously!). While reading the first paragraph itself i told myself that this is so me....She is so brilliant in laying it down to words....
It goes like this:


Monday July 4, 2005
My very own blog

By MARY SCHNEIDER
A couple of months ago I created my own blog, an online journal of my musings that has, so far, only been read by five people: my mother and four of her bingo cronies. Their comments? We’ll stick to gambling, thank you.

I read somewhere that blogs have proliferated almost exponentially in the past couple of years. I also read that most blogs are nothing more than virtual soapboxes for vanity drivel.

Despite this negative comment and the lack of support shown by the bingo community, I remain undeterred.

Indeed, I’m so undeterred that I’ve decided to share a few of my blog entries so that you can judge for yourself.
*********************************************************************************

At least she had 5 viewers to her blog...me...hmm....only Del i suppose!!

Touched

I was so moved by this letter written by a father who've lost his child. I will paste it down here. And how do I explain that I miss dad so so much.

This is were i got the letter:
http://www.geocities.com/mylilchris/tochristopher.html

And this is the letter:


To my dearest Christopher,

It has been a while since you have left us and I know that a piece of my heart is still missing. I cant't seem to let go of the fact that you are truely gone. I think of you all the time. I wonder how you are doing, where you are, if you are mad at me for the life I have given you.

I cannot say that I am sorry about the time that you spent on earth. It was the greatest time I have ever known. You were the perfect child and I cannot help but to feel that I am the reason that you are gone.

I play back the day of your accident over and over in my mind. What if I had been a little faster, if we had found you only a minute sooner, how would it have changed your life? Would you have been o.k.? When you came around that day would you have stayed with us? What can I do to make it up to you? I know that I can never make it up to you or myself. This is one thing in life that I can never change. Your passing is the one thing I thought would make life better. You would finnally be at peace and our lives could begin to heal. I have come to realize that nothing will ever be the same......

I look for you all the time, in the sky, in your room, always hoping for a sign that you are alright. I pray for a sign. Why have I never gotten one? Are you mad about the way you died? What could I have done to make you more at peace? I know what I have done has damaged me forever. My heart will never be the same again.

I miss so many things about you. I miss your smile, your laugh, the way you always looked at me knowing that I would always be there when you needed me, I am sorry that I was not. I even miss your smell. I didn't think I would ever say this, but I want you back and it is to late for that. Do you think this is selfish of me?

The choices I made are forever. I don't know if those were the choices you wanted or choices I forced on you. I just want you to know why I chose to do what I did. Your life was very important to me, We loved you so much and knew you would have so much potential. YOU WERE PERFECT. When you drown I lost a piece of my soul. I did not know how a God could be so cruel, so there was no longer a God. After the accident you would have died many times, but we chose not to let you go. Not thinking of why you were not doing very well, we just wanted you here. We could not imagine you gone. When your lung collapsed you seemed to want to be freed from the chains that were binding you to this life. So we decided to let you go. It is easy to say that we did the right thing. We tried for three years to make you better. We always loved you. We always thought of your best interest in the decisions we made for you. I know that I could not love you any more or any less. You will always be in my heart and I will always love you. This will never change. I just wanted you to know how much I miss you and how much I love you.


I LOVE YOU CHRISTOPHER,

Daddy

August 2, 1994 - the birth of joy happiness and love
March 16, 1996 - the day my life changed for ever
July 21,1998 - the day of my greatest sorrow

It's sometimes just amazing what this 2-yr-old-genius can do to your life....We left her with her mom for 2 days and off we went to Penang...and that's it...we (me & mom) were handicapped without listening to her voice, and almost paralysed without her presence....

We knew we would miss her, but never knew it could be hell without her!